Ok. I need to vent. I don’t know why I’m writing this in english, just whatever. No one will read, or pay attention to this. Lately I’ve been so pissed almost all the time, with short periods when I feel “fine?” I treat people bad or I think about doing that, without reason. I seriously have zero motivation in everything I do. When I’m in class I just sit there alone, avoiding to talk everyone, I never pay attention, watching the windows and SERIOUSLY wanting to fly! and I think What? What I’m doing here? What’s the purpose of all this? I do everything for pure obligation. I deeply hate thinking about my possible future. Everything started the other day when my teacher showed us some photos of her in a congress about I don’t remember what. Suddenly I started feeling so sick. Is this supposed to be my future? Going to boring congresses about boring things with other boring people like me? Working? Teaching? Stuying more and more? Routine? And one day I’ll become an old boring lady feeling that I’ve wasted my best years. God no. I DON’T WANT. I don’t want to be a part of this damn system. If some time I had motivation that led me to what I’m doing today, I swear, I lost it. I’ve always wanted to get away from here, but right now I need it, so bad. Getting on a plane, going somewhere no one know me, speaking another language all the time. Showing everybody around me that I CAN do something different than they expected from me. I don’t need these FAKE people around me, they told me that they loved me, that they were my friends. WHAT? Poor you all, you only can be a bunch of fake people. I realized that a long time ago. I show few things about me, very few, but at least IT’S REAL. My love will never be fake.
I feel lots of things today, but I will get over it. Only God knows. He always does.
Wow… It was long! But I could write more and more! For sure Tumblr is the best place to share this. Maybe someone understands me.